So, over the last few years I’ve owned a couple of these things, my first being a hand-me-down from a higher up at my previous employer and more recently I’ve been ignoring a cheaper model from the local Target. Both were similar in appearance: a slightly elongated badge shape with an ear hook on a hinge, a single button in the middle of the outer face with smaller buttons on the top and bottom for volume control.
There are plenty of bits of apparel and accessories that can be worn that make a person look like a giant, walking douche: gravity defying pants that hang down to just above the knee; ratty, 80′s Hypercolor t-shirts that have been run through the dryer so many times they look like bleached and faded tie-dyes; gigantic, bug-eye, bimbo sunglasses; and a permanently attached Bluetooth earpiece. Putting that earpiece on a hinge that contains a spring which has less strength than a polite baby fart so that it swings out from your head every time you even slightly move so that it’s like the minuscule, withered arm of a tiny, effeminate, conjoined twin who watched the Birdcage one too many times graduates it from making you look like a douche bag to giving you the appearance of bipedal enema bulb.
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Church of Hell
The sand in the swimtrunks of life.
Product Review: Motorola Bluetooth Earpiece
January 30th, 2009
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My Technology Nightmare
April 21st, 2009
Holy oozing maggot cheese have I been wading through the molasses-in-December quagmire of a technology nightmare lately.
My printer suddenly started complaining about a phantom paper jam even though there’s no paper even near it. At first I thought it was simply faking it to garner attention since I haven’t been printing much lately. I checked to make sure that none of the cats puked in the paper feed. I cleaned, cleared, examined, prodded, poked, pleaded and yelled. I am now utterly convinced that, like the expensive ink cartridges that leak and smudge and ruin about twenty prints every time you print if you don’t use it every other day, this is just some hidden code built in to my Canon Pixma MP210 so that, if I don’t print at least 20 pages a month, it breaks itself. At the very least, I’ve wasted a brand new print cartridge and have to send this hunk of cursed plastic to the demons at the service center so they can charge me to reset a dip-switch. At most, I’m forced to buy a whole new printer. I’m thinking Epson.
Soon after that, my new Bluetooth headphones arrived from Newegg. I got the LG HBS-200s which are comfortable, cheap and sound pretty damn good. I didn’t know that until about thirty minutes ago since I couldn’t get the damn things to work with my phone, which was the main reason I had bought them. See, my old phone recently started acting like that guy at the party with the fake tan, gold chains and C. Everett Douche chinstrap beard, which is to say, an asshole. This was my T-Mobile Shadow, a phone that was touted as a cross between HAL 2000 and a Star Trek Communicator. Since my somewhat recent ‘upgrade’ to Vista I shouldn’t have been shocked to learn that any device running a flavor of Windows would be problematic. I didn’t think it would take three separate in-warranty replacements due to some of the weirdest, screwed up software failures before I decided to get a different phone. I won’t go into it here since I have a new phone to bitch about but let me just say that if you have the choice between a phone running Windows Mobile, like the Shadow, and a dung rimmed Dixie cup with a string in the end, I’d invest in some Q-Tips and Listerine. (more…)