Valentine’s day is upon us, a day that sees love-struck men spending their hard earned scratch on expensive dinners, exotic flowers, imported chocolates, mall store jewelry and countless other services, trinkets and gewgaws in an attempt to barter with their significant other for sexual favors in a process that sounds, on paper, a lot like prostitution. Fear not! There is a big difference between this festive holiday and solicitation, namely that even after laying down (*PUN!*) three weeks pay on dinner, a few dozen roses and a tennis bracelet from Zales, you still have no guarantee that you will get any, let alone good, sex. Prostitutes, on the other hand, are trained professionals who will undoubtedly fulfill any contractual obligations to the best of their abilities both quickly and efficiently and without outraged indignation at not getting a Pawsome Panda™ Build-a-Bear® afterward.