Merry Independence Day!
To other countries who may or may not celebrate their own Independence days, the United States may practice some rather odd rituals. Let me explain our celebration a little to help you to better understand the Fourth of July and what it means to an American.
Why?
On this day of the year, almost the entire country breaks into a near fanatical fit of patriotism, something that can be frightening to other cultures, especially Jews, Polacks and homosexuals. Don’t fear! In American English, pa·tri·ot·ism is just a word to describe mindless obedience to a right-wing political party of rich, elitist, sexual deviants! Patriotism here means a little less about ‘ethnic cleansing’ and is more about the hatred and chastising of all who would question the American government’s dismantling of their rights, the widespread corruption at State and Federal levels and the almost unforgivable lack of a lapel-mounted, Chinese made, flag-branded pin. (more…)
Church of Hell
The sand in the swimtrunks of life.
July 4th for Foreigners
July 7th, 2008
“1 Comment”
Indoctrination Nation
July 29th, 2008
When I was a wee lad my mother bought a loofah for our bathroom. I was terrified of the thing. I imagined that, if I got it wet, small crabs would crawl out and pinch my tender, pale flesh. Nothing she said could persuade me that the thing wasn’t filled with little dried crab eggs waiting to hatch and devour me. Several years ago, while visiting America’s Sponge Capitol, Tarpon Springs, I learned that loofah are actually a dried subtropical cucumber. It didn’t hit me until I was in the shower this morning that the only way a loofah could become infested with tiny crabs is if Paris Hilton used it to scrub her tainted crotch.
You have to realize that this was pre-Wikipedia and my main sources of knowledge on the various topics of my interest were an ancient set of Britannica’s and that weird guy down the road who’s band played nothing but T-Rex’s ‘Bang a Gong’ all day. My mother tried reason, gently explaining the improbability of the situation before falling back to sarcastic mocking, but I still had this fear. (more…)