So, over the last few years I’ve owned a couple of these things, my first being a hand-me-down from a higher up at my previous employer and more recently I’ve been ignoring a cheaper model from the local Target. Both were similar in appearance: a slightly elongated badge shape with an ear hook on a hinge, a single button in the middle of the outer face with smaller buttons on the top and bottom for volume control.
There are plenty of bits of apparel and accessories that can be worn that make a person look like a giant, walking douche: gravity defying pants that hang down to just above the knee; ratty, 80′s Hypercolor t-shirts that have been run through the dryer so many times they look like bleached and faded tie-dyes; gigantic, bug-eye, bimbo sunglasses; and a permanently attached Bluetooth earpiece. Putting that earpiece on a hinge that contains a spring which has less strength than a polite baby fart so that it swings out from your head every time you even slightly move so that it’s like the minuscule, withered arm of a tiny, effeminate, conjoined twin who watched the Birdcage one too many times graduates it from making you look like a douche bag to giving you the appearance of bipedal enema bulb.
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